My True Fitness Story

There’s a lot of things I’ve been wanting to write about regarding my fitness story. I apologize for this lengthy, slightly rambling post, but there’s some things I want to get off my chest and thoughts I want to share with you all.

Before I became a personal trainer I went to a handful of “free personal training” sessions at my gym– those sessions where they ask you a bunch of questions about your health, nutrition and fitness goals then take you through a workout and at the end tell you about how much personal training costs.

While I was working at a gym as a personal trainer I stood on the other side of those “free personal training” sessions. I’ asked those questions and took prospective client through a workout and finished with the spiel about  pricing.

The part that always irks me? What are your current fitness goals.

It’s a question my co-workers at the gym constantly asked me, a question I was asked today by a fitness friend. I don’t have an answer.

Yes, I am a very goal oriented person. I like accomplishing tasks and making checklists.

but I don’t have a specific and measurable fitness goal.

I’m fully aware that many people work out to lose weight. Of course I applaud them for deciding to change their lives and as a personal trainer I want more than anything to help them achieve their goals.

But what about the rest of us?

The group that loves to sweat. The group that plans their social life around their favorite zumba class. The group that follows their favorite instructor on twitter. The group that wakes up at the crack of dawn to workout. The group that anxiously awaits spin class sign ups for the fancy studios of Manhattan. The group that actually does the workouts they pinned on pinterest. We exist. And I know I’m not the only one.

Do I wanna look hot? Who doesn’t. Do I wanna be strong? Heck yeah. But I also workout for the sake of working out. I simply love fitness. I love taking a zumba class. I love spinning. I love getting my butt kicked in a bootcamp class. I love lifting weights while listening to a Jillian Michaels podcast. I love challenging my body and mind in yoga.

A lot of the personal trainers I have met recently don’t quite understand that concept. They look at me confused when I say that I’ve never ever played a team sport growing up yet I have a passion for fitness. They keep trying to figure out what my fitness goals are and are baffled when I say I don’t have one.

Can you work out without a specific goal?

Yeah.

Would I like to have less body fat? Yes. Look better in a bikini? Yes. But ultimately I don’t care about those things when I’m working out. Losing body fat won’t change my life. Looking better in a bikini won’t change my life. These are not goals I am actively working towards achieving.

And I realize that what I’m saying is slightly contradictory because I do vaguely have a goal when I work out: to feel better.

My fitness journey doesn’t have a before and after picture. I don’t have an amazing weight loss journey to talk about. I can’t measure how far I’ve come with a number on the scale or by the size of my jeans. I weigh what I’ve always weighed and I’m wearing the same size I’ve always worn.

My arms are now more sculpted now than they were when I graduated high school… But that’s not the point.

I always led an active life. I grew up dancing, doing karate and performing. I was required to take movement and dance classes as a drama major in college. Every so often freshman my college bff and I would venture to the NYU gym where I’d work out on the cardio machines and do some basic weight lifting.

It wasn’t until Fall of the sophomore year that going to the gym became a daily thing. The second year curriculum at my theater school was incredibly grueling- we were in class for over 30 hours a week (not counting academics) and required to work on at least 3 shows during fall semester in addition to rehearsing for all our classes. The workload didn’t even feel worth it because I was so unhappy with the philosophy of my theater program. On top of college stress my grandma was incredibly sick, something that was devastating for my tight-knit family. And on top of all that I was dealing with crap from a guy I used to date.

It was a lot on my plate.

So I started going to the NYU gym. When I was there nothing could bother me— my classmates couldn’t text me about rehearsing, I couldn’t worry about all the lines I had to memorize and I couldn’t fall apart about my ex. Going to the gym became my escape from reality during that fall semester when I felt like my life was falling apart.

During my sophomore year of college it wasn’t about a fitness goal. It was all about procrastinating and running away from life. The gym was my safe, happy place where my problems couldn’t find me.

Junior year I decided to join a nearby gym so I could take advantage of their group fitness classes. Paying for that gym membership meant I had to go there and I fell in love with pilates and the grueling conditioning classes.

It was during my senior year of college I noticed the real shift in my life thanks to fitness. For as long as I can remember I’ve been an anxious person. My anxiety has crippled me socially throughout my life. The thought of taking medication to help alleviate the pain has never been enticing to me because I just can’t bring myself to regulate the problem with chemicals, although I know that meds have provided relief to many people similar to me.

Spring semester of senior year I started exercising in the morning– it was the only time of day I could consistently workout with no excuses. Once I started working out every morning before school I began to really feel the difference mentally. I didn’t feel so plagued with anxiety throughout my day.

I may never be anxiety free– I’m an uptight person who clenches her jaw and anticipates negative outcomes, but working out has made it possible for me to lead a more “normal” life.

Yes, I decided to pursue my passion for fitness and become a personal trainer because I want to help people achieve their goals, but also because I want to share with others the fact that fitness is about so much more than measurable goals and weight loss.

Fitness raised my self confidence.

Fitness helped me deal with stress.

Fitness continues to help me deal with my anxiety.

And I truly enjoy working out for the sake of working out.

I want to spread the word that working out is about so much more than losing weight, how much body fat you have and what size you are. When I was working as a personal trainer at a gym I felt like I was losing sight of my own personal fitness philosophy and why I wanted to become a fitness professional.

I feel incredibly lucky to have taken classes with countless amazing instructors in New York, Los Angeles and Westchester that share the same mindset. These are the instructors who inspire me and the ones I look up to as a new personal trainer / group fitness instructor. Not those trainers that I’ve met who seem so obsessed with measurable fitness goals.

Next month I will be launching my own fitness class “Boot Camp Blast” a hybrid zumba and strength training boot camp that I am creating. While yeah, I wanna make people sweat, I also want to inspire them the way my favorite instructors have inspired me. There’s nothing wrong with working out for the sake of working out.

and ultimately I want to give people a place to run away from real life and sweat away the stress.

Thank you all for listening.

what’s your true fitness story?

it’s beginning to look a lot like chanukah

good morning all!

a very happy chanukah to all those celebrating

I’ve been “lighting” the candles on my velcro menorah every night since I’m too lazy to seek out real candles. I’m super excited to celebrate the holiday this weekend with my extended family. In actuality Chanukah isn’t a very religious holiday, but it’s a great excuse to see my aunt, uncle and cousins and eat some latkes.

mama found me some dairy-free chanukah shortbread cookies. not exactly healthy, but hey it’s the holidays 🙂

My chanukah wish list this consisted of a food processor, toaster oven, and fitness classes.

It’s funny how what I want  for the holiday has shifted from toys and electronics to practical items for my apartment.

 

This morning I’m bringing back old Kayla traditions: grocery shopping at Trader Joe’s early in the morning to beat the crowd, eating breakfast while watching morning talk shows and eating my favorite breakfast while I was in California: whole wheat english muffin, peanut butter, honey + chia seeds

The past three days I’ve been at new staff orientation from 9-6 which was incredibly helpful but hella exhausting. Tonight is my first night actually working a shift at the gym and talking to members about personal training. I’m so so so excited to get to wear my staff outfit but definitely a little nervous to step outside my comfort zone and reach out to people.

Of course on top of working has been studying and more studying

post-spin class protein shake (vega vegan protein + banana + frozen strawberries + almond milk = heavenly) while studying the isolated functions of muscles.

I don’t wanna say exactly when I’m taking the NASM CPT exam in case I do fail, but I’ll just say it’s very soon. I am feeling very confident in the material at the moment thanks to these crazy study sessions, doing really well on practice exams and reinforcing the material at orientation these past few days. Here’s to hoping hard work pays off!

 

Time to head over to the gym for a quick strength workout before a staff meeting. Perks of being a personal trainer!

even better fried rice.

greetings from a [very long] NASM study break

That stack of notecards is the bane of my existence.

This week has been a bit… much. Working + Studying + Being Sick = one overwhelmed Kayla. Being sick ruins everything!

Work is going well minus the whole sick thing. It’s definitely forcing me out of my comfort zone– I’m usually not a very extroverted person and tend to avoid talking to strangers at all cost. Meeting new clients is definitely going to be a challenge for me, but it’s good to leave my comfort zone, right?

Some perks of being a personal trainer (or at the moment a personal trainer in training– PTIT)

• getting beat up by my fellow co-workers. I was the guinea pig last week for a mock training session with one of the veteran trainers. He definitely didn’t take it easy on me and proceeded to reduce me to a pile of sweat. Good thing I love working out!
• being required to wear yoga pants. Nice and comfy all day long, yes please.
• when the work day is over I’m already at the gym and dressed for a workout.

 

 

So, tonight I finally felt the good kind of rumbling in my tummy– HUNGER! Considering I’m usually hungry ALL THE TIME, having no appetitive for the last few days has been odd.

It was time to bring back a California favorite : picky eater “fried” rice

While the first time I made it it was pretty good, I definitely went a lil crazy on the soy sauce. Today’s creation was like a million times better than the original

brown rice + soy sauce + sesame oil + carrots + zucchini + eggs + CHICKEN!?

oh yes, that’s chicken in there. It’s well known that I’m TERRIFIED of cooking chicken, like, don’t make me touch raw chicken because it freaks me out and I’m convinced I’m gonna get food poisoning, terrified. I’m making strides to get over my chicken phobia, friends!

new and improved picky eater fried rice

•  Start by heating up a frying pan on medium heat
• While the frying pan is heating up, prepare all the toppings: today I cut up some carrots and zucchini in one dish, scrambled an egg with a bit of pepper and salt in a second dish, and cut up a chicken breast into small pieces seasoning it with salt and pepper.
• Add a bit of olive oil to the heated pan.
• Once the oil is heated up it’s time to cook the chicken. It’s easy, I promise! Let one side cook for about 2 minutes, then flip all the pieces over. Once each side is cooked (it will look white and no longer pink) mix in a splash of soy sauce. Continue to move the chicken around the pan to season it with the soy sauce. To check that it’s fully cooked cut open a piece– it should be fully cooked inside.
• Move the chicken to plate on the side (I put it on a paper towel to blot the excess oil)
• Next up is the veggies. In the already heated frying pan add a bit more olive oil and add in the carrots and zucchinis. After about a minute add a splash of soy sauce and sesame oil. Once the carrots are a bit soft, move the veggies to a bowl on the side.
• Last is the scrambled eggs. Pour the eggs onto the pan and mix until cooked.
• Now it’s time to mix it all together with the rice. I used microwave brown rice because I’m lazy, but any already cooked rice is fine. Put the chicken, veggies and rice in the pan with the eggs. Add a touch of soy sauce and sesame oil until it’s seasoned to your taste.
• Enjoy!

Adding soy sauce throughout was a good idea because it seasoned each ingredient throughout the process so by the time I added the rice I didn’t have to add much more. The salty flavor was way more subtle this time. Adding sesame oil was also new-to-me and added an extra flavor to it.

What’s your favorite add-ins for fried rice?

for me it’s definitely the above + edamame. And in the case of hibachi rice peas.

What else can I do with all this raw chicken I got in my fridge?

(I’m looking for something easy and fool proof….)

 

and lastly go check out Instamotivation . Um perfect for finals season… or if you’re studying for a daunting personal training certification like this gal…….

Focus Kayla, FOCUS!!!

I went back to sunrise yog for the first time in 2 weeks. While part of me was so happy to be back in the relaxing environment, the other part of my (aka my body) was screaming “what are you doing to me at 7AM!” For whatever reason I was not blessed with the gift of flexibility which makes flowing through a yoga class difficult for my tight body.

During my performance last night I had the terrifying moments of “oh god, I am not focused on what I am doing in this show, STOP THINKING KAYLA”. This realization was identical to how I feel in yoga when my thoughts take over and I lose my focus. It is also identical to when we meditated in my Voice and Speech class for 15 minutes and whenever we lost focus on our breath we had to tell our minds “thinking” and go back to focusing on the in and out.

Flying trapeze is a place where I am focused. When you are 25 feet up in the air it is difficult to think about what you want for dinner, homework, how pissed off you are about something that happened at school, and all the other things I spend my free time pondering about.

look at that concentration!

the most jarring experience I have had while flying happened a few weeks ago when I was attempting to throw my layout at the end of class. I know how to do a layout, and I know how to successfully do one, yet in the middle of flying I was suddenly hyper aware and could hear my mind thinking far too loudly. Usually the only thing I can think about in the air is the key words that the instructor has told me “stay tight” “wait for the break” “hold on a second longer” but not a full thought of “kayla, you are doing a layout, oh look there’s a catching swinging towards you!” and it freaked me out! I stopped mid trick because I was not in the right mindset.

Trapeze, yoga, meditation and acting all share this principle of focus– when you are hyper focused on your goal, which varies on the activities, that is when you are the most successful. When I lose focus while flying, that is when I mess up my trick. When I lose focus in yoga, that is when the class is unenjoyable and I cannot hold poses, or I spend the class staring at my watch. When I lost focus meditating, I did not reap the full benefits. And when I lose focus while acting, especially in performance like I did Tuesday night, my performance will suffer.

So today, I focused in all aspects of my life. In yoga I concentrated on the present– I am in yoga class, I did not worry about the rest of my day, and enjoyed the class (mentally at least, my body was definitely hurting).

in tonight’s performance I really focused on the present– what is going on in the show, what am I hearing, what am I feeling and not “make sure you step more stage right than you have been Kayla”, “shit I always mess up this harmony”, “oh hey, the audience isn’t laughing tonight”. I was present, in the moment, and at the end of the show I felt what a difference it made.

 

and a bonus? I briefly had intense focus at starbucks while studying for my midterm

instead of studying in my apartment where there is a fabulous tv that is begging to be watched, delicious food in my fridge, dishes that could be washed, packing that could be done, facebook stalking that can always be done, and endless tasks that are far more fun than studying for my midterm…. I cut myself off from distraction at Starbucks and actually got down to business. Take that senioritis.

THE COUNTDOWN CONTINUES

2 more performances left (this part is actually sad)

1 midterm

2 days til home!

4 days til California

and 1 week and a day til I get to see Idiot in LA!

 

Why I Sweat

today was the day I’ve been waiting for in my academic class The Science of Happiness

EXERCISE DAY!

a chance for me to nerd out about sweating and pat myself on the back for reaping the many benefits of exercise.

It got me thinking though, why do I sweat? Why do I workout? I think this answer varies for everyone– for some it is to lose weight, for some it is control, for some it is because they love competing in sports, for some it is for stress release.

Some of the above does pertain to me, but I still can’t help but think why this shift in my life. In high school I was the least athletic girl EVER and hated breaking a sweat in phys ed. Where did this gym rat come from?

We learned in class today that exercise is being prescribed as an anti-depressant  because:

–>Like prozac, exercise increases the levels of norepinephrine and serotonin.  

–> it acts as a distraction and can clear the mind

–> it allows the patient to have control

–> it is a social interaction (such as in the case of working out with a friend or group fitness

The population that is less active has higher instances of mental illness.

For me it has never been about weight loss, even if I didn’t work out I would still be little, I come from a long line of really petite females. My “sport” is trapeze, which does benefit from my work outs, however I am not training with trapeze as my specific goal in mind. I work out when I am stressed, often to procrastinate doing homework I am avoiding, often to let out pent up aggression and frustration from the day. Now a days, I work out to start my day on the right foot so I feel less anxious for the rest of the day, and can smile knowing I accomplished something at the ass-crack of dawn.

Today I realized that exercise is my anti-depressant. The times in my life when I have felt the most depressed correlate to times when I was inactive. The summer I spent living in the NYU Dorms, sulking in my loneliness and coping with stress caused by various things, I wish I would have gotten out of the dark dorm room and gone to the gym. I wish I would have continued to go to yoga classes. I wish I would have realized that running is a great way to release.

This school year has been incredible for various reasons. Yes I am finally studying what I have loved since I was 5 years old, yes there is a boy in Westchester who loves me despite how absurd I am, yes I have a comfortable home in the city, but perhaps most importantly has been my commitment to my physical health. I have learned what my favorite ways to exercise are, I have made my muscles stronger than ever, I have danced to latin music like a doofus in Zumba class, I have sweated my frustration away on the tread mill while listening to American Idiot for the millionth time.

I have found comfort and relief in fitness.

What is amazing about this is that fitness is there for everyone– anyone can run, anyone can learn how to do a bicep curl, take a zumba class from youtube, do yoga from netflix– find something active to do that distracts them, gets their heart racing, and gives them a healthy release.

I am obsessed with alternate therapies— how to help people like me who are troubled with anxieties and phobia cope via natural, drug free ways. For me musical theater has played a huge component in coping, seeing shows that wake me up, smack me in the face, make me cry, make me realize something about myself, and make me feel. I loved my music therapy course I took last year which taught me about the incredible power of healing with music. When I started doing trapeze I finally felt a sense of release from my uptight ways and learned to let go and fall.

And now I am very focused on the connection of fitness and mental well being.

So why do I sweat? Because I think it is continuing to save my life. I hate when people roll their eyes because I say “I can’t, I’m going to the gym”. I feel their judgement as they look at me and think I am on some weight loss binge. The truth? It’s what keeps me going.

I will leave you with this awesome list courtesy of my new fitness idol Patricia Moreno:

Equinox Day 3: Drinking the Kool-Aid at Inten-Sati

Today was the day I suddenly thought “wow, I’m hooked”. Perhaps I have gym ADD, and  perhaps I am obsessed with all the pretty things Equinox has to offer, but really I have fallen in love with these three classes I have taken there and what they have made me realize about exercise

Day Three I attended Patricia Moreno’s class “inten-sati”. Online the description reads

IntenSati is a revolutionary workout fusing high-energy aerobics, martial arts, dance, yoga, and strength conditioning. Combining spoken affirmations with simple choreography, IntenSati provides a heart-pumping, exhilarating workout that builds physical, mental, and spiritual muscle.

After google searching reviews about the class I came in open minded and ready to drink the affirmation kool-aid.

The class is a series of movements and simple choreography that are performed while saying affirmations. It sounds very cult-ish and religious, but I must say it is truly empowering. The sweat is dripping, I am punching and telling myself that “I AM STRONG”, performing moves with titles like “carefree”, high fiving those around me after a job well done, and feeling the most centered I have in while.

Really, the class was awesome, and I’m usually skeptical about, well, everything. There was something pure about the affirmations, something in them that everyone can grasp on to, young and old, student and professional. It was fitting for where I am today, at 21 and having daily freak outs about life beyond college, and I’m sure it is just as powerful as people in their 50’s dealing with a whole other set of stresses. Marrying these positive affirmations with intense body movements? wow. It sounds hokey and fake, but wow. It sticks with you like a catchy song.

After class, as I walked home sipping a perfectly made starbucks chai in this beautiful unseasonably warm weather, I couldn’t help but feel so freaken happy. For everything. To feel a peace with myself and this sense of “everything will be okay, whatever happens”.

What’s the biggest difference I’ve noticed these three days at equinox? MIND BODY CONNECTION. Each class has married the mind and the body in order to get a complete workout both physically and mentally.

This week has been about focus when I’m working out. How to not think about dinner or my to-do list or how much homework I need to do. To truly take what this class is offering me. At inten-sati I felt I could push myself harder, that there was more in me, and I once again felt invincible.

I came home, showered, and got dressed up for class for the first time in awhile. recently i’ve ditched my signature style of cute dresses and perfectly matching accessories out of laziness and feeling I am not trying to impress anyone, why bother. But today I thought “do it for yourself. wear the cute dress with the fun tights and the awesome earrings for you.”

Since last June I have focused a lot on happiness, first reading “The Happiness Project”, then experiencing the most happy summer and basically period of my life, and trying to keep the essence of that going during the school year. Right now I am taking “the science of happiness” at NYU. So much of my happiness came from living in the moment. During the summer I was able to just “be” and enjoy each moment as it came. Today I was reminded of that as I sweated my butt off.

hot yoga, by accident, and by procrastination.

Its finals season here at NYU…
I love procrastinating by working out– it is both terrible and wonderful at the same time. Instead of anxiously sitting on facebook thinking about that essay I need to start writing, I put that anxious energy into working out. Its far more productive in the end and when I come back to the work I feel more relaxed.

In the midsts of all this end of year craziness, I promised myself I would work out today to make up for being lazy all weekend with the boy, and not having time yesterday. Despite knowing I had to work on my essay and memorize a monologue and 2 songs for class, going to the gym is also important.

I’ve been craving yoga for some odd reason… and I don’t really like yoga. I always tell myself I like yoga, but then end up going and silently whining to myself all class while my wrists feel like they are going to snap.
But I do like the “yoga-high” i get, and despite wanting to cry during the class, I always leave feeling refreshed and energized. This is exactly what I need right now.
… and it also helps that my package from lululemon arrived today with beautiful new yoga tops.

I decided to try out “Enlightened Yoga” at crunch.
After feeling a bit queazy and dehydrated all day, I wanted to do something that would leave me energized and ready to do a marathon of essay writing in the library, so spinning and weights were out of the question.

Turns out, enlightened yoga is a hot yoga class. I’ve been meaning to try hot yoga, but have shied away for fear that I will die during the class. Well, there was no turning back

The 90 minute class felt intimidating at first, I was drenched with sweat and my usual wrist problems were horrendous early on.
 My mind did its usual “oh my god I hate yoga, why do I come back dance” for a decent amount of the class.
But then it stopped.
And my body started feeling good. and the oppressive heat started reminding me of vacations in Mexico, and why I applied to almost all warm weather schools for college.

By the end of the 90 minutes I felt accomplished, relaxed and energized. My joints felt amazing, and I was honestly proud of myself for literally enduring the heat instead of giving up mid class. I firmly believe in mind over matter, and the fact that I told myself all class with every breath that I was energizing myself, I was in fact energizing myself.

 While yoga may never be my true love, I think everyone can benefit from what it has to offer. As far as hot yoga goes, I enjoyed it more than I expected to and plan on returning. I’m shocked how great I still feel, almost 6 hours later. I came home and was able to focus on memorizing, and even started writing my final paper in the library after that (with no caffeine, something rare for me)

So I encourage all stressed out college kids to procrastinate with me. even if its for only 30 minutes go on the tread mill, walk around the city, take a yoga class. Do something physical for yourself in the midst of the stress and craziness to alleviate the anxiety.